Concrete details Archives - Wylie Communications, Inc. https://www.wyliecomm.com/category/creative-communications/concrete-details/ Writing workshops, communication consulting and writing services Fri, 17 Mar 2023 11:24:17 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.2 https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/cropped-wci-favico-1-32x32.gif Concrete details Archives - Wylie Communications, Inc. https://www.wyliecomm.com/category/creative-communications/concrete-details/ 32 32 65624304 Concrete writing style moves readers to act https://www.wyliecomm.com/2020/03/concrete-writing-style/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2020/03/concrete-writing-style/#respond Sun, 22 Mar 2020 08:04:17 +0000 https://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=23410 Concrete details outperform abstract writing in studies

Want to change readers’ minds? Help them see your position.

That’s what two researchers at the University of Michigan did in a 1986 experiment.… Read the full article

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Concrete details outperform abstract writing in studies

Want to change readers’ minds? Help them see your position.

Concrete writing style
Concrete details — in one case, a toothbrush — help audience members decide what to do, far more than abstract language. Photo credit: mdphoto16

That’s what two researchers at the University of Michigan did in a 1986 experiment. For the experiment, participants played the role of jurors in a trial over whether a mother, “Mrs. Johnson,” was fit to care for her 7-year-old son.

“The soul never thinks without an image.”
— Aristotle, Greek philosopher

All of participants heard 16 arguments — eight positive and eight negative — about Mrs. Johnson. But half of the subjects heard vivid examples of the arguments for her; the other half heard vivid examples of the arguments against her. For instance:

Argument for: “Mrs. Johnson sees to it that her child washes and brushes his teeth before bedtime.” Vivid addition: “He uses a ‘Star Wars’ toothbrush that looks like Darth Vader.”

Argument against: “The child went to school with a badly scraped arm, which Mrs. Johnson had not cleaned or tended to.” Vivid addition: “The school nurse had to clean the scrape, and in the process she accidentally spilled mercurochrome and left a red stain on the breast of her nurse’s uniform.”

What a difference a detail makes. Subjects who heard the vivid arguments for Mrs. Johnson — the Darth Vader toothbrush — were 15% more likely to find her to a suitable parent (5.8 on a 10-point scale) than subjects who heard the unfavorable arguments in vivid detail (4.3 out of 10).

Tap the power of concrete language.

Why is a concrete writing style so effective?

“We tend to have a better memory for things that excite our senses or appeal to our emotions than for straight facts and dry statistics,” writes Sheena Iyengar, professor at Columbia Business School, in The Art of Choosing.

“You might overestimate the number of times your colleague wore a red tie, or underestimate how often he wore a gray one, simply because red is a brighter color.”
— Sheena Iyengar, in The Art of Choosing

“This means that you might overestimate the number of times your colleague wore a red tie, or underestimate how often he wore a gray one, simply because red is a brighter color.”

In short, “vividly presented information is more impactful than pallid information,” write the researchers, Jonathan Shedler and Melvin Manis.

So use vivid word pictures to move readers to act.

Concrete details move readers to give.

Another study shows that vivid stories are more effective at moving people to act than abstract ideas.

For the study, psychological scientists Laura Blackie and Philip Cozzolino of the University of Essex:

  • Asked one-third of their subjects open-ended questions about death in general
  • Told one-third a vivid scenario in which they were trapped and dying in a burning apartment (“You run to the door and reach for the handle. You pull back in pain as the intense heat of the knob scalds you violently …”)
  • Had one-third think about dental pain

Then the subjects read one of two news stories: one saying that blood donations were at record lows, the other saying that they were at record highs. Finally, researchers offered subjects a pamphlet guaranteeing fast registration at a blood center and told them to take the pamphlet if they intended to give.

People who’d thought about death in the abstract were more likely to take the pamphlet if they’d read the story about the blood shortage. But those who’d visualized their own death in concrete terms were likely to take the pamphlet regardless of how badly blood was needed.

Bottom line: People who’d conjured vivid images about death were more motivated to give than those who had pondered death in the abstract.

Concrete terms outperform abstract terms.

Other research shows that concrete details work because they:

  • Provide greater emotional interest and have a greater impact on judgments than bland presentations of the same information.
  • Make warnings more effective. Vivid scenarios and anecdotes make warnings more effective than bland numbers do (Hendrickx, Vlek and Oppewal, 1989).
  • Linger longer in the reader’s mind. In one study, vivid, emotional and interesting information helped readers decide to avoid problem drinking. That impact grew over time; the impact of bland information weakened over time (Sherer and Rogers, 1984).

To move people to act, show, don’t tell.

  • Master the Art of Storytelling - Ann Wylie's creative-content workshop

    How can you make tedious topics interesting?

    Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.

    Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.

    Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our creative-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.

___

Sources: “How Thinking About Death Affects Behavior,” TS-SI.org, May 22, 2011

People who dwell on their own mortality ‘are more likely to donate to charity,’” MailOnline, May 23, 2011

Laura E. R. Blackie and Philip J. Cozzolino, “Of Blood and Death: A Test of Dual-Existential Systems in the Context of Prosocial Intentions,” Psychological Science, July 2011

Roger Dooley, “Vivid Stories Change Donor Behavior,” Neuromarketing, Sept. 6, 2011

Chip Heath and Dan Heath, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, Random House, 2007, pp. 138-139

Wray Herbert, “OST Update: The Grim Reaper Revisited,” Wray’s Blog, July 21, 2011

Jonathan Shedler and Melvin Manis, “Can the Availability Heuristic Explain Vividness Effects?” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1986, Vol. 51, No. 1, pp. 26-36

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How to write in detail https://www.wyliecomm.com/2020/02/how-to-write-in-detail/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2020/02/how-to-write-in-detail/#respond Sat, 29 Feb 2020 07:11:35 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=13309 Steal tips from these holiday messages

Hey, we know. Thanksgiving was so November 2015. But we couldn’t resist sharing these delicious holiday messages from two of our brilliant clients.… Read the full article

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Steal tips from these holiday messages

Hey, we know. Thanksgiving was so November 2015. But we couldn’t resist sharing these delicious holiday messages from two of our brilliant clients.

How to write in detail
Not another turkey! Here’s to putting the Ho Ho Ho into ho-hum holiday stories. Photo credit: Aksenova Natalya

Go specific, not general.

So what if you don’t have a Cousin Bobby, your Grandma doesn’t knit and nobody in your family would touch a Werther’s with a North Pole? The writing pros at Toyota know that specifics, not generalities, engage readers.

Thanksgiving Toyota Talking Points

Turkey is pretty good.

Stuffing, too.

And family? Family’s the best.

But if your family is anything like ours, they ask a ton of questions. Most of the questions are fairly easy to answer:

  • No, Aunt Linda, we’re not watching Scandal.
  • Yes, Grandma, we got that afghan you sent, and the bag of Werther’s Original was, indeed, a special treat.
  • No, Sam Jr., we don’t know why the sky is blue. It has something to do with light refraction (probably?). Go see if your dad knows.

But then they might ask you what Toyota’s up to, if you’ve driven that new hydrogen car (Mirai) or that cute little three wheeler (iRoad).

All you need to know is as close as your smart phone or any computer. If your Cousin Bobby starts ranting about how corporations don’t care, just show him The Toyota Effect, four videos about surprising things Toyota is doing to make the world a better place.

If your brother won’t stop pestering you with questions about the One Toyota Move, just stay calm and click the link to regale the family with computer generated scenes of our new campuses and interiors.

And when Aunt Linda just will not stop talking about Scandal (we get it, it’s good), divert her by clicking this link to the Fueled by Everything videos (featuring the celebrated reunion of Back to the Future stars Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd).

And then, after dinner, just settle into a chair, crawl under Grandma’s afghan, unwrap a Werther’s Original, and enjoy some quality Thanksgiving family time.

So how did Toyotans respond?

“We have been FLOODED with positive feedback,” writes Nan Banks, senior manager of Strategic Planning for Toyota Motor North America, Inc. “I swear, about half the folks who have opened it have responded with good comments and thank-yous! I think it is our best effort to date to engage team members in sharing social content and in giving our readers content they can really use.”

Which came first, the turkey or the egg?

My brilliant clients at Whole Foods not only write concrete, creative copy about raw turkey and unmashed potatoes — they do it year after year and make it fit on a sticker. Here are some of their messages from a recent Thanksgiving:

  • Which came first, the turkey or the egg? Thanks in part to Global Animal Partnership’s 5-Step™ Animal Welfare Rating Standards, we know it wasn’t the crates, cages or animal by-products in feed.
  • From heirloom to kosher, fresh to frozen and more, find a bird for your budget and rest even easier by ordering ahead of time online.
  • Two turkeys. 12 sides. 27 guests. No guesswork. Let us help make your Thanksgiving the perfect feast for everyone. Stop by our holiday table or visit us online for meal ordering and holiday tips.
  • We’ve got your back this holiday. And your sides. Ready when you need ’em, however you need ‘em: organic, frozen … now.
  • You say sweet potato. We say Garnet, Jewel, Beauregard, Japanese and Hannah.
  • So many organic broths, so many ways to add taste to the table. If only Uncle Joe’s jokes would follow suit.
  • [On Greek yogurt] An ingredient fit for the gods … or the in-laws. (Shh…we’ve secretly replaced your sour cream with a little something special.)
  • You’ll be happy to serve our pumpkins to your pumpkins. Organic, conveniently packaged and ready for your recipe.
  • [On cream of mushroom soup] Add a new secret to your secret recipe. Rich flavor. No artificial preservatives.
  • [On cranberry sauce] Zesty, tangy, delicious. Just like grandma used to make, only organic.
  • It’s what’s inside that counts. Like organic stuffing mix.
  • [On nuts] The easiest way to have more nuts on your table than at it.
  • Master the Art of Storytelling - Ann Wylie's creative-content workshop

    How can you make tedious topics interesting?

    Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.

    Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.

    Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our creative-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.

The post How to write in detail appeared first on Wylie Communications, Inc..

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Concrete images in writing boost understanding https://www.wyliecomm.com/2020/02/concrete-images-in-writing/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2020/02/concrete-images-in-writing/#respond Sat, 22 Feb 2020 16:41:57 +0000 https://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=23239 There’s a 1:1 correlation between vivid descriptions and comprehension

Three professors from Texas A&M University and the University of the Andes aimed to find out whether concrete images or abstract images were more understandable.… Read the full article

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There’s a 1:1 correlation between vivid descriptions and comprehension

Three professors from Texas A&M University and the University of the Andes aimed to find out whether concrete images or abstract images were more understandable.

Concrete images in writing
Turn ideas into things Researchers found an almost one-to-one correlation between how concrete a passage was and how easy it was to understand. Photo credit: harunhalici

First, the professors (Sadoski, Goetz and Rodriguez, 2000) crafted a series of passages. Each passage was 56 words long and written at about the same level of readability.

Half of the passages were abstract:

Character cannot be summoned in a crisis if it has been squandered by years of compromise and excuses. The only testing ground for the heroic is the mundane. There is only one preparation for that great decision that can change a life. It is those  hundreds of half conscious, self-defining, seemingly insignificant decisions made in private.

The other half were concrete:

Think twice before buying another “convenience.” Grandmother’s kitchen had a pan, spoon and a knife. It produced a Sunday dinner of roast chicken, potatoes, salad, vegetables and apple pie. The kitchen of the 1990s contains a food processor, blender, laser-cut knife system and a 20-piece cookware set that produces a Sunday dinner of microwave pizza.

Then the researchers asked 40 graduate students to read the passages and rate them for how interesting and easy to understand they were.

The students rated the concrete copy more interesting and understandable.

1. Concrete detail is easier to understand.

In fact, there was almost a one-to-one correlation between how concrete a passage was and how easy it was to understand, the researchers said.

Next, the researchers wrote a series of abstract and concrete headlines for each of the 56-word passages. They included:

Abstract headline
Concrete headline
Domestic Devices Countertop Gadgets
Preferred Items Favorite Junk
The Laws of Lift How a Plane Flies
A Science Find Jungles in Ice
Mortal Justice Death Penalty

Then they asked the graduate students to rate the headlines for how interesting and easy to understand they were.

The students rated the concrete headlines much more understandable and interesting.

“Using more concrete language and content,” Sadoski, Goetz and Rodriguez write, “should have positive effects in making … text more comprehensible, interesting and memorable.”

Concrete headlines are also more memorable.

2. Vivid descriptions boost learning.

We’ve known this for years.

In the early 19th century, German philosopher Johann Friedrich Herbart said that interest leads to understanding, learning and memory — and even inspires readers to learn more.

For some 200 years, researchers, philosophers and communicators have found Herbart’s link between interest and learning to be true.

One of those researchers is Suzanne Hidi, associate member at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education’s Centre for Applied Cognitive Science. She reviewed the research connecting interest with learning.

“Interesting copy,” Hidi found, is:

  • Concrete. Concrete images show instead of tell, turning ideas into things. They are also filled with action and images.
  • Emotional. Concrete imagery includes human interest, narrative action and “life themes” readers can identify with.
  • Novel. Concrete detail is surprising or unexpected.

Here, for instance, are some of the concrete, interesting sentences that researchers have studied:

  • The huge gorilla smashed the bus with its fist. (Anderson, 1982)
  • When a Click Beetle is on its back, it flips itself into the air and lands right side up while it makes a clicking noise. (Garner et al., 1989)
  • When a fly moves its wings about 200 times in a second, you hear a buzzing sound. (Garner et al., 1989)
  • No advertising is allowed on Swedish television, and there are no commercial stations. (Hidi & Baird, 1983)
  • Adult wolves carry food home in their stomachs and bring it up again or regurgitate it for the young cubs to eat. It’s the wolf version of canned baby food. (Hidi & Baird, 1983)
  • Thomas Edison became the most famous inventor of all time even though he left school when he was only 6 years old. (Hidi & Baird, 1988)
  • A canary can also bluff by playing dead. A frightened canary may go limp in someone’s hand. (Hidi & Baird, 1983)
  • The Battle of Trafalgar was the greatest naval victory in British history, and it was the war for Great Britain. (Wade & Adams, 1990)
  • [Lady Emma Hamilton] fell in love with the battered, one-eyed, one-armed naval hero and became his mistress. (Wade & Adams, 1990)

Concrete imagery, according to Hidi’s review of the literature:

  • Encourages reading (Hidi & Baird, 1986).
  • Improves comprehension (Hidi & Baird, 1986; Bernstein, 1955).
  • Boosts learning (Hidi & Baird, 1986; Shirey and Reynolds, 1988).
  • Increases recall (Hidi & Baird, 1988).
  • Helps people come up with bigger, better, more creative ideas (Bernstein, 1955).

Nearly 45 years of research proves it: Concrete details help readers understand; abstract images aren’t so helpful. For instance:

  • The entire incoming first-year class of a college participated in a study where researchers rewrote passages from American history textbooks to make them more concrete. Students understood the revised, concrete passages much better than the original ones. They also rated the revised passages significantly more interesting (Wharton, 1980).
  • Students understood and remembered concrete words (PDF) better than abstract language. Concrete words included aisle, ceremony, scene and pile. Abstract ones included pride, theory, time and truth (Sadoski, Goetz, Stricker and Burdenski, 2003).
  • Students understood the plot and theme of a story better if the words painted a mental picture of a key event in the story. (Sadoski 1983, 1985).
  • Undergraduates understood history textbook passages better when the message was more concrete and full of images. They also found concrete passages much more interesting. (Wharton).
  • Abstract language is more vague, and that makes it harder to understand and remember, researchers have found. (B.J. O’Neill and Allan Paivo).

So how can you make your abstract ideas concrete?

3. Word pictures boost understanding by 43%.

Readers don’t understand abstract words — those that refer to ideas — very well, according to a study by Prabu David and Jagdeep Kang. But, according to the study, if you:

  • Use concrete, visual words — words that paint pictures in readers’ heads — you can increase understanding by 43%.
  • Add an actual picture to a word picture, you can increase understanding by 76%.

For the study, researchers used an infographic and accompanying text from a USA Today article about the effects of nicotine on the body. They tested abstract copy and concrete copy and found that word pictures increased understanding dramatically.

Why? Because concrete imagery — word pictures — paint pictures in your readers’ minds.

Help readers see with concrete information.

That’s no surprise. After all, we say “I see” to mean “I understand.”

So help them see.

Turn ideas into things: Make your message more vivid and visual with concrete information, and people will literally see what you mean.

Are you turning ideas into things? Or are you hoping to gain understanding with abstractions?

____

Sources:

Suzanne Hidi, “Interest and Its Contribution as a Mental Resource for Learning,” Review of Educational Research, Winter 1990, Vol. 60, No. 4, pp. 549-571

Prabu David and Jagdeep Kang, “Pictures, High-Imagery News Language and News Recall,” Newspaper Research Journal, Summer 1998

Mark Sadoski, Ernest T. Goetz and Maximo Rodriguez, “Engaging Texts: Effects of Concreteness on Comprehensibility, Interest, and Recall in Four Text Types.” Journal of Educational Psychology 92, 2000, pp. 85-95

  • Master the Art of Storytelling - Ann Wylie's creative-content workshop

    How can you make tedious topics interesting?

    Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.

    Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.

    Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our creative-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.

The post Concrete images in writing boost understanding appeared first on Wylie Communications, Inc..

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Vital statistics https://www.wyliecomm.com/2017/01/vital-statistics/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2017/01/vital-statistics/#respond Mon, 09 Jan 2017 05:00:11 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=14951 Add color and credibility to your copy with numbers

Which personal finance story would draw you in? One that starts:

Are you saving enough for retirement, no matter how young you are?

Read the full article

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Add color and credibility to your copy with numbers

Which personal finance story would draw you in? One that starts:

Are you saving enough for retirement, no matter how young you are?
Vital statistics
Name names, number numbers Draw attention to your message with numerical detail. Image by Nadine Shaabana

Or one with this lead, from Northern Update, the marketing magazine of Northern Funds:

A 45-year-old couple making $80,000 a year today will need $4 million at retirement to live comfortably through their 80s.

The latter? Me, too.

Name names and number numbers. Draw attention to your message and prove your points with numerical detail.

1. How big is big?

Show readers size and scale with statistics and comparison.

Here’s a before example, the lead of a content marketing piece a client sent me to edit:

The Rosa Khutor Alpine Resort is located in Krasnaya Polyana in the Northern Caucasus in Russia, close to the Black Sea. The resort is set to receive a major boost to its profile by becoming one of the major projects of the 2014 Winter Games.

Some 43 hectares of sport tracks will reach nine kilometres in total in order to meet the requirements of the International Federation of Mountain Skiing (FIS). The resort has therefore been equipped with a state-of-the-art XYZ system. ABC’s value-added reseller, Whozits, was commissioned to implement the system. …

There’s a number in there, but it’s not used to build the story, set the scene or make a point. Here’s the after, this time with more statistical evidence to make a point about the client’s project:

You have to tilt your head to see the tops of the mountains at the Rosa Khutor Mountain Resort.

In Russia’s Western Caucasus, some 30 km from the Black Sea, a massive mountain range soars up to 1,760 km — more than a mile — above a tiny subtropical village called Krasnaya Polyana. There, the world’s best athletes will assemble for the alpine skiing competition at the 2014 Winter Games.

But that spectacular terrain also adds up to a major event security communication nightmare. …

2. How small is small?

So how small is small? Is it the size of a thumbnail? An iPhone? A toaster? A backpack? A car?

Help readers see size and scale with comparison.

In this before, the client had included a laptop analogy, but buried it further in the story:

Delivering coverage fast has never been so easy

Temporary communications coverage is often needed to get the job done – whether that’s delivering security at a major event or completing a big engineering project on time. Whatever the need, the world’s smallest base station makes rolling out coverage easier than ever.

The XYZ base station from ABC is the smallest base station in the world, yet it packs in the same powerful features as its big brother, the XX. These include fast TK data, air-interface encryption, 123 handover and base station fallback. …

But if the whole point is size, lead with that. Here’s my rewrite:

Baby grand

The world’s smallest base station makes rolling out coverage easier than ever

It’s little larger than a laptop. But that’s what makes ABC’s XYZ mini base stations — the smallest base stations in the world — so powerful.

You can use them to quickly roll out temporary communications coverage. They fit into tight spaces, save energy and money and even go mobile when necessary.

Talk about small packages. …

How wet is wet?

If your point is “prone to flooding,” then make that point statistically. Here’s another before, from that same client:

As a city prone to flooding, Tianjin in China uses a system of channels and flood retention areas around the city to manage flood water and limit the damage to urban areas. Tianjin is also known for its pioneering efforts in scientific and sustainable development. For the city, water conservation is a top priority and has the highest rate of water recycling in China.

Digital communications plays a major role in this flood management plan and Tianjin has an 800 MHz XYZ network comprising one switch and 15 base stations covering both the city and its suburbs. In addition, one dispatcher workstation and around 100 terminals are used. …

OK, my basement is prone to flooding, too. But how wet is wet? Here’s my rewrite, supplemented with 6 minutes of online research:

Tianjin ranks on a top 10 list no municipality wishes to make: It’s among the top 10 cities in the world at risk of flood loss.

Specifically, Tianjin risks losing nearly 100,000 residents and $30 billion in assets in a deluge, according to a report by Risk Management Solutions.

As Tianjin leaders work to safeguard the sixth largest city in the People’s Republic of China from potentially devastating floods, they employ a surprising tool. In addition to channels, reservoirs and hydraulic monitoring, city officials rely on an 800 MHz XYZ network, developed by ABC. …

Add concrete detail with statistics.

Startling statistics are amongst more than 6 types of concrete material to try.

“If you want to be credible, be specific,” writes Doug Williams, a principal in Tomasini-W2K. “Heinz doesn’t have a ‘multitude’ of varieties; it has 57. Bressler’s doesn’t have a ‘whole lot’ of flavors; it has 33. There aren’t ‘many’ deadly sins; there are seven.

“Well, eight, if you count vague writing.”

How can you make your message more colorful and credible with statistics?

What questions do you have about using statistics in your message?

Learn more about writing with statistics.

  • Master the Art of Storytelling - Ann Wylie's creative-content workshop

    How can you make tedious topics interesting?

    Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.

    Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.

    Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our creative-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.

The post Vital statistics appeared first on Wylie Communications, Inc..

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Make a scene https://www.wyliecomm.com/2017/01/make-a-scene/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2017/01/make-a-scene/#respond Mon, 09 Jan 2017 04:55:04 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=14952 Description adds color to even the most drab story

Google: It may be the next best thing to being there.

The best way to get description is to go to the scene and observe.… Read the full article

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Description adds color to even the most drab story

Google: It may be the next best thing to being there.

Make a scene
Paint a picture Description brings your story to life and takes your readers to the scene.

The best way to get description is to go to the scene and observe. The second best way to get description: Whatever gets the job done.

Which — when editing a story about something that happened many, many months ago in a country many, many time zones away — often means Google.

Here are two examples, from stories I recently edited for a client:

1. Robin Hood caps and sloganeering

For this story, the client got right to the point in a newsy lead: We helped ensure security for everyone involved at the G20 Summit.

But if you’ve written a good headline and deck, your readers already know that. Better to start with the problem, then bring it to life through scene setting so people can see what a big deal it was to accomplish this mission.

To set this scene, I simply reviewed news coverage of the event online.

Research time: 15 minutes.

Before After

When the G20 summit took place in Cannes in November 2011, ABC secure communication systems helped to ensure the security of everyone involved.

As host, the French government deployed 12,000 security personnel, including the Police, Gendarmerie, State Security Police Force (CRS), firemen and special services. The success of the summit provided several valuable lessons about the key ingredients needed to get the security of such a high-profile event right.

Outside the Palais des Festivals in Cannes, France, some 5,500 protesters donned Robin Hood caps, shouted “People First, Not Finance” and demanded a tax on international financial transactions.

Inside, French president Nicolas Sarkozy, German chancellor Angela Merkel, U.S. president Barack Obama and other world leaders discussed Europe’s banking crisis and the possibility of a Greek default.

The 2011 G-20 Summit was the sixth meeting of the G-20 heads of government in a series of ongoing discussions about financial markets and the world economy. It brought together leaders representing 85 percent of the world’s business and two-thirds of its population.

Behind the scenes, helping secure the leaders and the event, were XYZ secure communication systems from ABC.

2. ‘More than a mile into the sky’

In this piece, again, scene setting not only grabs attention but also helps illustrate the problem the organization helped its client solve. Details, again, via Google.

Research time: 15 minutes.

Before After

The Rosa Khutor Alpine Resort is located in Krasnaya Polyana in the Northern Caucasus in Russia, close to the Black Sea. The resort is set to receive a major boost to its profile by becoming one of the major projects of the 2014 Winter Games. Some 43 hectares of sport tracks will reach nine kilometres in total in order to meet the requirements of the International Federation of Mountain Skiing (FIS).

The resort has therefore been equipped with a state-of-the-art XYZ system. ABC’s value-added reseller, Whozits, was commissioned to implement the system.

In Russia’s Western Caucasus, some 30 km from the Black Sea, a massive mountain range towers above a tiny subtropical village called Krasnaya Polyana. There, at the Rosa Khutor Mountain Resort, the world’s best athletes will assemble for the alpine skiing competition at the 2014 Winter Games.

You have to tilt your head to see the tops of the mountains, which soar up to 1,760 km — more than a mile — into the sky. That makes Rosa Khutor one of the biggest lift-served mountains in the world, as well as one of the world’s largest resorts.

But that spectacular terrain also adds up to a major event security communication nightmare. It’s no wonder the Russian resort has commissioned a state-of-the-art XYZ communications system from Whozits to help make sure the games run smoothly.

  • Master the Art of Storytelling - Ann Wylie's creative-content workshop

    How can you tell better business stories?

    Stories are so effective that Og Mandino, the late author of the bestselling The Greatest Salesman in the World, says, “If you have a point, find a story.”

    Learn to find, develop and write stories that engage readers’ hearts and minds at Master the Art of Storytelling, our content-writing training workshop.

    There, you’ll learn how to find the aha! moment that’s the gateway to every anecdote. How to start an anecdote with a bang — instead of a whimper. And how to use “the most powerful form of human communication” to grab attention, boost credibility, make messages more memorable and communicate better.

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Paint concrete word pictures https://www.wyliecomm.com/2016/01/power-up-your-word-choice/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2016/01/power-up-your-word-choice/#respond Fri, 15 Jan 2016 07:06:32 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=13307 Name names; number numbers

When it comes to interest and understanding, Countertop Gadgets are better than Domestic Devices.

Favorite Junk outperforms Preferred Items. How a Plane Flies beats The Laws of Lift.… Read the full article

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Name names; number numbers

When it comes to interest and understanding, Countertop Gadgets are better than Domestic Devices.

Paint concrete word pictures
Use your words Concrete words, phrases and sentences are easier to read and understand than abstract ones. Image by Manan Chhabra

Favorite Junk outperforms Preferred Items. How a Plane Flies beats The Laws of Lift. And Jungles in Ice trounces A Science Find. (Sadoski, Goetz and Rodriguez, 2000).

That’s because concrete words and phrases, according to some 60 years of research, encourage reading; boost comprehension; improve learning; aid memory; and help people come up with bigger, better, more creative ideas.

Abstract words and phrases do not.

“The soul never thinks without an image,” Aristotle famously said. Pulitzer Prize-winning poet William Carlos Williams agreed, saying, “No ideas but in things.”

Want to make your message more interesting and accessible? Illustrate ideas through things.

Paint concrete word pictures. Name names and number numbers.

1. Word pictures boost understanding by 43%.

When researchers Prabu David and Jagdeep Kang wanted to see whether concrete messages were more understandable and memorable, they tested concrete and abstract phrases.

Abstract:

The filters in the bronchi, called cilia, are immediately affected and are unable to filter out harmful particles. Tar collects in bronchi, greatly increasing lung cancer risk. Buildup in air sacks reduces lung efficiency and causes disease.

Concrete:

The tiny hairs called cilia, (which) act as filters in bronchi, are immediately burned or coated with excess mucus and are unable to filter out harmful particles. Tar collects in bronchi, greatly increasing lung cancer risk. Corrosive buildup in air sacks reduces lung efficiency and causes disease.

The results? The concrete copy was 43% easier to understand and remember.

Why? Because concrete copy — word pictures — paint pictures in your readers’ minds. Those mental images serve as surrogates for real pictures, the researchers hypothesize. And real pictures have been shown, in study after study, to make information easier to understand and remember.

2. Concrete sentences easier to read and remember.

According to some 60 years of research, concrete sentences like these are easier to read, understand, learn and remember:

  • The huge gorilla smashed the bus with its fist.
  • When a click beetle is on its back, it flips itself into the air and lands right side up while it makes a clicking noise.
  • When a fly moves its wings about 200 times in a second, you hear a buzzing sound.
  • The Battle of Trafalgar was the greatest naval victory in British history, and it was the war for Great Britain.
  • [Lady Emma Hamilton] fell in love with the battered, one-eyed, one-armed naval hero and became his mistress.

3. Concrete passages more understandable.

Two professors from Texas A&M University and one from the University of the Andes tested two sets of passages.

Half of the passages were abstract:

Character cannot be summoned in a crisis if it has been squandered by years of compromise and excuses. The only testing ground for the heroic is the mundane. There is only one preparation for that great decision that can change a life. It is those hundreds of half conscious, self-defining, seemingly insignificant decisions made in private.

The other half were concrete:

Think twice before buying another “convenience.” Grandmother’s kitchen had a pan, spoon and a knife. It produced a Sunday dinner of roast chicken, potatoes, salad, vegetables and apple pie. The kitchen of the 1990s contains a food processor, blender, laser-cut knife system and a 20-piece cookware set that produces a Sunday dinner of microwave pizza.

Researchers found an almost one-to-one correlation between how concrete a passage was and how easy it was to understand. (Sadoski, Goetz and Rodriguez, 2000).

Show, don’t just tell.

Word pictures are one of more than 6 types of concrete material to try.

To write more forcefully, editor and publisher Arthur Plotnick recommends that you use:

  • Words that appeal to the senses. The most powerful words, he says, “recall sensory experience: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch.”
  • Sound bursts. “Words can borrow the force of natural sounds by mimicking some of their elements. Whap. Clink. Clang. Splash. Screech.”
  • High-energy verbs. “Verbs power sentences. Energetic verbs rocket them.”

It will make a big difference.

“Information is absorbed in direct proportion to its vividness,” write Diane West and Jennifer Dreyer, principals, Tamayo Consulting Inc.

And as James Fallows, national correspondent for The Atlantic Monthly, writes, “Make the important interesting.”

Learn more about concrete detail.

How can you make your message clearer with concrete word pictures?

What questions do you have about using concrete word pictures?

  • Master the Art of Storytelling - Ann Wylie's creative-content workshop

    How can you make tedious topics interesting?

    Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.

    Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.

    Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our creative-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.

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